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[10 Jan 2011|10:33am]
Wow
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[06 Jul 2009|08:49pm]
its been 60 weeks.
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foop [01 Jun 2008|05:58pm]
uh da.. da. da..
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another year. [13 Jan 2008|03:05pm]
well november 30 2006 was the last time i posted.



post.

see you all in a year.
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351 days later... [30 Nov 2006|09:33pm]
GOD DAMN IT! 14 Days short of a YEAR since i last posted!
2 Ideas| add your 2 cents

[13 Dec 2005|09:26pm]
boo!
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[15 Aug 2005|06:49pm]
THEY'VE ALL GONE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!


Dru got in an accident.
everyones alright. it was his fault.


bye.
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AHHHH [13 Aug 2005|08:57am]
[ mood | AHHH ]

ahHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







I MuST ruNN AwaY!!!!1




I FeEl trApPed




I WASnt TO CrAwL ouT of MY SkiN










ANd BE gonE


AAAaAAAAhHHhHHHhhHhhhHHHHhH!!!!!!!!



















FUCK.

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my money tree is dying one leaf at a time [10 Aug 2005|07:18am]
[ mood | discontent ]

Dissclaimer: Read if you like but i must warn you, this is a rant and may upset those which are involved. IF YOU THINK YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT-DONT READ ITCollapse )

i was having a chat lastnight with an older lady about a concert she worked the previous night.

interesting details about the SOAD concert:
-over 300 people were arrested for various reasons, being drunk was the most common.
-a ten year old boy was trampled and rushed to the hospital
-several fans asked this security gaurd if they could smoke "refer" just outside the arena, she replied "sure, if you want to go to jail."
-they apperently had to carry "the weirdest stuff" off of the busses, then load it back on after the show.

oh.. funny funny old woman.

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[09 Aug 2005|11:36am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

SOLDIER SIDE
BYOB
REVENGA
KNOW
NEEDLES
DEER DANCE
SUGGESTIONS
PSYCHO
CHOP SUEY
KILL ROCK N ROLL
SAD STATUE
VIOLENT PORN
MR. JACK
CIGARO
COCAINE
BOUNCE
ATWA
FOREST
LOST IN HOLLYWOOD
QUESTION!
WAR?
PRISON
AERIALS
TOXICITY
SCIENCE
SUITE PEE
SUGAR


the was very energenic. they may be on speed, would anyone that saw daron running around on stage disagree with me?
i liked serj's dance he kept doing.

SUGAR!!

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[01 Aug 2005|11:28am]
[ mood | awake ]

Come on SHAKE IT BABY!

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[31 Jul 2005|03:56am]
[ mood | okay ]

what a strage feeling
this or nothing
that always being there
and always will as well.
what an important decision
it affects the rest of your life
all or nothing.
do or dont
try or dont
or
dont or do...
in hunters eyes we're poor poor bastards
"read revelations" we'll need to
"this may be the generation to see the end of the world"
-Ronald Regan
wake up its destiny
get dressed its the end
enjoy the sunshine while you can
or cant-ache the pressure~
seal up tight and dont lose a thing
stay in focus and live NOW
for you never know what tommarrow may bring.
and its not sane
the end of deffination
starts the begining of grey
peaks of color
keep me hangin on
an escelator of
now
life
gifts
shame
death
truth
love
we'll see
observe
find
lay for a bit longer

"because we'll all float on"
"and even if i do
we'll always be together
'cause we're all under the moon"

just a trip to find
discover
leave
shut
re-open
touch
live-
-life-
-time away
thats how long 2 me
yet much longer from.
this road not travled
bread crumbs lay'd
to keep this bird around

but im not hungrey
and still here
youcandowiththisoryoucandoowiththat.
but dont be modest
mouse
"and if things get too heavy.."
my sun-eyed girl
simplified complication
complicatedly simple
too-small thimble
steps taken are taken forward.

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[29 Jul 2005|03:02pm]
i have more to say than this.
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[28 Jul 2005|07:26pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

i feel like one of those GI Joes with the parachute attached half way up your kite string and when your kite is all the way up, you tug and he comes floating to the ground... or you loose the kite and never see him again. only i keep getting tugged and tugged but you tied the knot too tight and im stuck waiting to see if the knot will break free or will you just let go of the kite.


id rather float to the earth. im getting shaken GI Joe syndrome.





i cleaned out my car for the most part today.


going on that messy bed messy head theory. hey it cant hurt anything right.




I hope it doesnt say BALLS on my face.

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I was in the phone booth. [26 Jul 2005|01:06am]
and you didn't come back.
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[25 Jul 2005|08:08pm]
[ mood | understanding ]

this is life... no waiting for it. its here.


i saw a rain bow...well only half a rainbow.
Mr. Bowler, my algebra teacher in Fredonia, and his wife had a baby. this baby got sick and had lots of problems. well one afternoon this baby died at home in his crib. that afternoon the rain came from the west instead of the north. with a dark backdrop of clouds and the setting sun opposite, a full and complete rainbow appeared over the bowler residence. streangth with closure.

many a sad death in that little town.

i like to complain about work, its because thats esay. i cannot bitch about my baby dying. or my friend that is wasting his life and body away with meth. in my head these are better left uncomplained about. thats the esay thing to do. im weak and spineless. oh yeah ill talk about what i think to whoever will listen...as long as its not about them. my plan will not be flawed. nothing too difficult. yet no action wiil ever come from me. this is the esay way.

i cannot tune in and drop out. i must go with the flow, only i know im going with it.


though terrible things are going on in the world
things wont stop. "we'll all float on..."

we can only learn from our past actions and actions of others to be prepared for what will come.

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[25 Jul 2005|06:19pm]
only because im your friend.

















































i have the power to not look.














not to click that button
















only if i feel i cant handle it.

























just dont rely on this...
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shoeless [25 Jul 2005|06:07pm]
[ mood | busy ]

take that fan! what now youre all together and have nothing to say!

4-25-05 Libra:
Relationships are always your number one priority, but at the moment, that's going to go double. Your lucky other half -- or prospective other half -- will enjoy all kinds of wonderful attention, all aimed at ensuring that they know not just how deeply you care, but that those feelings aren't going anywhere. It's a given that your feelings will be returned, but it might be nice to have that conversation anyway.



..its all right 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.


31 days and counting.


you left your shoes here. can you go a month with out them?

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[27 Jun 2005|04:47am]
i hate ljs they are too shady and ignorance to them automaticly admits guilt.
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[27 Jun 2005|04:37am]
[ mood | crushed ]

im having one of those its not me its the world type relizations.

for the longest time i thought natasha was the root of our major problem. but now i belive its me. i must be in every aspect of her life then not allow her into mine. i have relized that i have a serious problem. i can not feel. i can not love. i have no higher respect for anyone. i think only of myself. this is real. this is freaking me out. i can only feel bad. i can not think. i can not remember. i only see and mimick.

this has cost me my friends and Natasha. at one point these were my most prized relations.

what is an insanly ironic situation: when natasha was in idaho mrs. A had us write a mission statement. a statement that we could base our lives on. this was mine:

i will do only what i want and what it takes to get what i want.

a red flag should have gone off but it didnt.

i have subconciously lived by this and separated myself from everything i once loved.

even now i know i am sick and i feel very little. i may never get to watch natasha sleep next to me and i can barly notice a change in my breathing.
in my head this is heart wrenching.

nothing is clear to me when it happens its only through someone elses' interpretation i understand enough to make a good judgement and by this time ive long decied what it was that i did.

im living a lie.

it must stop.

im sorry.

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